I resumed work today after a long maternity break—the longest I’ve taken since 2008. But was it really a break? Being a mom is a beautiful chaos that nobody talks about openly.
I started my day 45 minutes late. Even though I work from home and usually log in at 8 a.m.—often still in my night clothes. Our daughter’s tiny stomach couldn’t handle the dal, so we were up soothing her through the night.
By 8:45 a.m., I was finally online. My little one was still fast asleep, and I thought I could quickly go through my emails before she woke up. But a year’s worth of emails—oops, not something you finish in an hour. Still, this optimistic mom gave it a try.
Just then, an alert popped up in the corner of my laptop: “Welcome back, Deepa. How are you?”
In that moment, I felt something shift. I wasn’t just “mumma” anymore—I was also me.
This past year, I’ve been fully on mom duty. Was I 100% present? I’d like to believe so. But there were evenings when I felt strangely unproductive—doing the same cycle of diaper changes, feeding, and planning her meals from morning to night. Somewhere along the way, I stopped being a priority.
There were quiet moments when my mind wandered—wondering when I would return to work, or simply find time for myself. Does that mean work is everything to me? Maybe it sounds like that. But what I truly missed was the process—the simple joy of making a to-do list, researching, shaping ideas, discussing them, and finally seeing something take form. That sense of creation… I had missed it.
And today, when I logged in, I felt it again. My fingers moved across the keyboard like they had found something familiar, something they had missed. Even unexpected software updates pushed my mind into problem-solving mode, and for a moment, I was completely absorbed in it.
Then I felt tiny hands tugging at my pants.
There she was—my daughter—already bored with her toys, looking up at me, asking for my attention in her own way. And just like that, the moment shifted again. A wave of guilt followed. Had I already lost myself in work? Was I being selfish?
It’s only the first day. I feel happy… but also uncertain. How will I manage keeping her away from screens when she’s so curious about my laptop? Today felt manageable—but I know not every day will be like this.
There will be challenging days.
But one thing is clear—I need to find a balance between these two worlds. And I will.
This post is a part of BlogchatterA2Z Challenge 2026
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Chai and Chatter Chronicles 